GENE SIMMONS: 'I Want The Air You Breathe To Be KISS Air'

New Zealand's The Dominion Post recently conducted an interview with KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons. A few excerpts from the chat follow:

On whether he cares whom he offends:

"Hell, no. I'm too rich to care. People give me a hard time for being a ruthless businessman but these are the kinds of people who cut my grass and take out my trash. I, meanwhile, am deliriously happy.

"Why? Because I get to be me. People say money can't buy you happiness but I have no time for such loser notions. I am happy and I'm hungrier for money now than I've ever been."

On his political views:

"I'll tell you where I stand politically. In terms of social issues, I'm very liberal. I support gay marriages and I think women should rule the world and get paid as much money as men. But in terms of fiscal issues, I'm very conservative. I'm against the welfare state and I support giving people jobs, not charity. In my view, if you're too lazy to work, you need a bitch slap from God.

"In terms of foreign policy, I'm conservative too. I don't buy the idea that if our troops leave the Middle East, the Taliban and al Qaeda would wake up the next day and say 'You know what? I think we should turn over a new leaf and stop trying to blow up the world. Let's just stay here in the desert and read books.' If you think that's gonna happen, you're on crack. These people are nut jobs."

On KISS' longevity:

"Well, you know, people still want to see us, so who are we to disappoint them? After 35 years together, we're still having the time of our lives, so why stop? I love playing live! When I get up on stage, I feel like the god that I am. Not only powerful but also deeply attractive.

"You know, if you're a rock star, you can wake up each morning next to a girl whose name you never bothered to learn! If you're not a rock star, it's all `what sign are you, let's have dinner, I won't put out on the first date' and other such torture that girls will put you through. But if you're in a big band, you cut to the chase."

On being happily unmarried to his current partner, former Playboy model Shannon Tweed:

"Yes, I've been with Shannon for 25 years but I refuse to get married because I think it's a sham. For one thing, men are poorly designed for monogamy. We tend to be promiscuous. It's biological. Women manufacture one or two eggs a month, during which time the male of the species manufactures 10 billion sperm!

"This tells you that the Bible is correct and a man was designed to 'spread thy seed.' So if I sleep with a lot of women, just think of me as doing the Lord's work."

On whether Shannon is happy about him sleeping with other women:

"No. But Shannon and I are not married and I do not answer to her. We care for each other, but I don't ask her permission to do anything. I am my own man, and I'm also delusional enough to think I'm right about everything. In fact, if I was a benevolent dictator, I think I could eradicate most of the world's problems very quickly. For instance, in my world, drug dealers would be put to death on the spot."

On capital punishment:

"Murderers would be put to death, too. I'm sick of all this permissive society bullshit! If someone kills somebody, I don't want to hear how that person's father molested him or whatever. I want to hear that he's been shot.

"Death is a wonderful cure for violent lunatics. Please! I don't want to find out what made you violent; I want to kill you! If a mad dog starts biting people, shoot him, for God's sake. Don't waste my time telling me why he's mean."

On KISS' massive merchandising business:

"Our licensing and merchandising is a complete juggernaut and secretly the envy of every band. I mean, it's all very well being RADIOHEAD or REM, but we have more imagination. How about 13m KISS toothbrushes that sing 'Rock'n'Roll All Night' inside your mouth when you brush your teeth? People have five senses, and I want KISS to invade them all. Sure, I want you to come to a KISS concert and see us and hear us, but then I want you to go home and eat KISS cereal.

"Ideally, I want the air you breathe to be KISS air, because then I can charge you for every gulp you take of that air."

On the Kiss Kasket:

"Well, I think everything in life should be branded, including your coffin. Even so, I have no desire to be buried in a Kiss Kasket myself. Being under the ground has no appeal.

"I prefer flames. I'm a pyro kinda guy. I'd prefer to go up in smoke and afterwards they can put a tombstone somewhere saying 'Gene Simmons: Thank You and Good Night.'"

Read the entire interview at www.stuff.co.nz.